I came to a stark realization the other day. Thankfully, this realization was not as stark as others, namely the time I realized that Pop-tarts were not healthy to have every day for breakfast. Ignorance is bliss.

What I discovered about myself recently was a wholly strange, unexpected epiphany: I want to be Ted from the Sally Forth comic strip.

For those of you who have never read the strip, it follows the life of a busy businesswoman as she tries to balance her goofball husband and precocious tween daughter. The writing of the strip is sharp, funny, and intelligent, and the humor is unexpectedly apt to real life.

Ted is my favorite character of the strip, mostly because he is living, breathing comic relief. I want to be known as living, breathing comic relief! He is never in a bad mood, always has an optimistic or sarcastic remark, and he is true to himself. He embraces his idiosyncrasies and is not afraid to be himself around others.

Some of my favorite scenes are his dialogues with his wife and daughter. He is hopelessly dedicated to Sally, and he is genuinely likable with his daughter Hilary. He coaches Hil’s softball team, knowing full well that they will never be good. He is supportive of Sally when her mother or sister drives her up the wall. And even when he was laid off for several months, he remained cheery and lovable despite a mid-life crisis.

My goal is to emulate Ted when I reach my thirties. I already have the loving wife part, and now all I need is a quick-witted child. Just like Ted, I love certain video games, popular culture, and sarcasm, and I fully expect to go through a mid-life crisis and not shave until I come out of it.

Wanting to be a comic strip character is not what I had planned when I was picking life goals in first grade, but I never thought I would find one who liked Pop-tarts as much as I do.

Let’s just be glad I didn’t connect with Ziggy.