Fantasy Football

The Mourning After

My fantasy life, as I know it, is over.

No, I am not referring to the fantasy life in which I am king of my own island, live in a house made of Tillamook cheese, and own a dog that speaks English, Spanish, and Japanese.  Thankfully, that one still lives on.

The premature end of my fantasy football life is what I am currently mourning.

Not but two weeks ago, I was undefeated and running away with the league.  Last week, I suffered my first loss, and this week, the giant double whammy of discouragement crushed whatever hope I had left.

First things first, I lost the week’s matchup. 

An ordinary loss would have been easy to stomach.  After all, I understand that losses are inevitable, and I would rather get them out of the way early than later.  However, this was no ordinary loss.

My opponent was the undefeated B Squared (or, as I call them on flaming message board posts, the B Squares).  Tom Brady had carried his team through the whole season, but despite Brady’s six TD throws on Sunday, I was still neck-and-neck with B Squared.

In fact, going into the Monday night game, a good performance by Joseph Addai would give me the win.  Naturally, Addai’s backup Kenton Keith got 15 carries and a touchdown, and I lost.

The fact that the margin of victory was only one point was infuriating enough, especially considering how Addai needed only one more carry to put me over the top. 

More frustrating, though, was that I trailed B Squared 87-81 going into the game, and I lost 103-102—even though he had no players in the Monday nighter.  Now I am more convinced than ever that ESPN Fantasy is one giant conspiracy and that B Squared has mob affiliations.  I wouldn’t be surprised to find Wes Welker cut from my team next time I check my roster.

While preparing for the loss that was apparently predestined, I learned of news that was basically the most damaging thing that I had heard since I got my college business ethics paper back.  Ronnie Brown was done for the year.

I have written often and at length about how this would be Brown’s breakout season, and I couldn’t have been more right so far.  He led the league in total yards, and he was the only viable offensive option for the Dolphins offense.

Much more, he was carrying me over the past few weeks of my fantasy season.  His outstanding performances were setting me apart from the rest of the league, and he was the most reliable player on a lacking roster.

Without him, my team is a dud.  Brandon Jacobs only runs for 100 yards when he’s on my bench.  Clinton Portis scores touchdowns every other week and never runs for more than 60 yards.  And Joseph Addai seems to be content with never seeing the end zone again.

And those are just my running backs.

Eventually, I will properly mourn the loss of Brown and get my team back on the track to respectable.  But I don’t know when.  I haven’t been able to bring myself to even check the waiver wire this week, afraid of seeing Earnest Graham’s name and getting excited and then remembering that he’s Earnest Graham.

Replacing Brown will be impossible, so why even try?  And if I do manage to find an adequate fill-in, won’t the taboo relationship between B Squared and the girl who works at ESPN Fantasy have already decided my league’s outcome? 

I guess in a perfect world, my roster could have the chance to mesh into a formidable bunch.  Drew Brees could play like he did a year ago, Andre Johnson could return from injury, and Julius Jones could go Northern-Colorado-punter on Marion Barber’s leg.  Kellen Winslow could demand the ball in the red zone, and Nick Folk could demand field goals to be kicked on third downs.  Then, maybe everything would be okay.

Although, if Brown’s loss and B Squared’s illicit fantasy ties have taught me anything, it is that this world is far from perfect…and everything is not okay.

Better luck next year, I guess.

© 2007 KevanLee.com.