That said, I have the greatest idea ever on how to best use Frank’s Madden impersonation. It needs to be on the new Madden video game.

Everyone knows that the commentary on Madden’s games is boring and bland. Frank’s style would certainly spice things up. Better yet, the producers of the game could make the alternative commentary an unlockable goal that players would have to earn. I would literally spend hours and days doing anything to get Madden to stop telling me I shouldn’t have gone for it on fourth down.

Let’s go, EA and Frank. Get this done.

Cowboys 42, Jets 17

Kellen Clemens’ confidence loses all the confidence gained from last week’s win shortly after he throws three first quarter interceptions and just before Chad Pennington starts warming up on the sideline even though no one asked him to.

Colts 21, Falcons 6

Joey Harrington’s return to Thanksgiving Day football is overshadowed by effusive praise of Peyton Manning, Tony Dungy, and Marvin Harrison’s knee.

Giants 21, Vikings 3

With no Adrian Peterson, the Vikings offense fails to reach the end zone, the red zone, or Giant territory.

Rams 17, Seahawks 14

In a formerly bitter rivalry, the Rams continue their hot streak with a narrow win over the previously hot Seahawks. “Hotness” is very relative in the NFC.

Patriots 49, Eagles 14

With the Patriots up 35 points at halftime, NBC uses its flex scheduling to air Ghost Whisperer in the second half.

Steelers 25, Dolphins 0

Eleven safeties and a field goal provide the winning points in the Steelers’ win over the Dolphins. All 22 Steeler starters do not dress for the game.

Jaguars 13, Bills 10

After their Monday night thrashing, the Bills are relieved to see that David Garrard is no Tom Brady, and Reggie Williams is no Randy Moss. The Bills, however, are no Jaguars.

Cardinals 35, 49ers 7

Putting Larry Allen at fullback fails to ignite the San Francisco offense, forcing head coach Mike Nolan to vow a literally empty backfield in the coming weeks.

Ravens 18, Chargers 14

Norv Turner and Brian Billick have a clandestine moment at midfield when Norv asks, “Remember when we were both good at offense?”

Raiders 21, Chiefs 20

In the wake of Priest Holmes retirement, I suit up for the Chiefs and run for five yards on nineteen carries with three fumbles. At least Brodie Croyle and I hit it off.

Buccaneers 29, Redskins 24

Washington continues to come up short against good opponents, this time falling to Tampa Bay after allowing four Joey Galloway TD grabs.

Saints 38, Panthers 14

Vinny Testaverde’s career dies a little bit more.

Titans 25, Bengals 20

The Bengals make Vince Young look like a pure passer, which says more about the Bengals than it does about Young.

Broncos 19, Bears 10

The Bears’ seventh loss of the year fails to dampen their playoff fever. Go NFC!

Browns 42, Texans 35

A shootout between Derek Anderson and Matt Schaub leaves the crowd in a frenzy and two people dead.

Last week: 11-5

Season: 102-56